in less than 24 hours.. i ll be leaving singapore for a familiar place - oxford...
oxford now has a special place in my heart... it is soooo different from london.... it is like a place one can retire... easy reach of countryside.... i miss the times picnicking with my beloved by the river.... setting up our own bbq stuff... watching the ducks swim across.... only to realise that we were flanked by them in no time.... 'they' were eyeing for 'our' bones... our chicken bones.... and literally drooling... there a joke was borned - have you heard of ducks eating chickens?
for three days after i handed in my dissertation on 1 september... i woke up early in the morning.... feeling an incredible enthusiasm to want to find out more about 'life'... i had a weird feeling... i felt spiritually more enlightened... although 'enlightened' may be too strong a word to use... i am not saying i reached nirvana.... more aptly.. i think i felt more awakened... spiritually...
1. i thought of a game. its free and incredibly challenging. the objective of this game is to woo the ducks. success is determined by the number of ducks i attract. to make it more challenging for myself, i limited myself to using one piece of oat/sunflower seed biscuit. its yummy. i can testify. excitedly, i wrapped the biscuit using a piece of kitchen towel. so i went out there to the lake in university parks, just at the back of abraham building in linacre college where i stayed... i approached the ducks... they ran away and did not dare to draw near... i wanted to lower myself to 'their' level... so i squatted down. there i started. i broke a few pieces of biscuit. threw at them. keeping in mind the objective, i began to step back, and laided a trail of biscuit bits as i stepped back... i drew myself to about 3 metres away from them... so as to better observe them... there... i observed...
some ducks were daring than the others... they looked further and walked further.. so they saw more bits and got to eat more... a few others gave up searching... and went back to the lake.... after a short while.. i found myself with 3 loyal followers. i tot to myself "hmm. not too bad for a start"... to reward these ducks... i threw more bits at them... they followed me around for quite a while... however, when i began walking to the other side of the lake... they stopped following... i tot to myself again.. "hmm. enemy territory?"
so i thought, well.. lets not force the ducks... go back to their "home ground"... so i went back... this time, i stood close to the lake... the rest of the ducks were drawn towards me... i began throwing small bits.. like manna from heaven... many ate happily. in a distant, i saw a white slender duck. woo. a beauty. but it was shy. it didn't want to associate with the rowdiness of the rest. so i broke a slightly larger chunk (weight needed) and aimed into the distant white duck... 'she' took a bite... i threw another one.... she got it again... as i was thinking of throwing a third piece... it swam away.. i tot to myself, "easily contented"...
having lost a pretty duck, i felt a little dejected... so i decided to take a break and sit on the bench.... about 5 ducks followed me... so i tot again, loyal followers... let me feed them more... in my heart, i had a question, "do the ducks trust me, even when i have no intention of harming them?" so i laid the bits closer... trying to test whether they wld draw near... so i waited... somehow the ducks refused to come to the cement portion of the bench... cld they not see the bread? or do they fear me? i laid bigger bits to test this. it was obvious. they still fear me.
i finished giving out my final pieces of biscuit. i decided to take a pee. i went to a big tree behind. at the same time, this allows me to observe what the 5 ducks were doing. so i observed. expectedly, they advanced and finished up the biscuit pieces that were laid at the cement area.
so that was day 1.
i thought to myself.
"haven't the ducks taught me something today?"
1. i hypothesise that some fundamental principles of life can be discovered by observing the forces of nature.
2. i hypothesise that the most fun and pleasurable things in life are free.
here i m sitting in front of my comp.. through i have work to do.. i just can't find the energy to do it... feel like taking a nap although its already 1022pm... *yawn*
oh no! when have i started to become soooo lazy?
life in harvard is really good as a summer school student... 3 meals are catered at this pretty harry potter lookalike dining hall... the main courses haven't repeated once... everyday i m just try to stuff myself with lots of food cuz its a buffet... the salad bar is great too... there are like 20+ sauces... but it doesn't change so can get sick of it easily...
i m taking this course called "strategic managment in a dynamic environment".... basically we focus on discussing 1 case study everyday with the prof leading and facilitating the discussion and the prof will end it off with some textbook theories... there are no exams required but i have to write 3 papers.. do a presentation... class participation counts too... at first i m really not used to the enthusiasm of ppl fighting to speak up... can be quite intimidating... esp when most of the ppl in the class have extensive working experience.... i began to realise my own weakness when it comes to speaking up and articulating own ideas... tt is something tt has been lacking in my last 15 years of classroom education... and i realise tt can really affect me adversely....
public speaking really an art which i have yet to master..... i really hope to go through more training and development in this area...
enough of academic.... lets talk about fun.... i have really had the time of my life in america past few weeks... (and severely draining down my savings *oops*)... went for a bus tour to washington, philadelphia, new york... went on a luxury cruise with florrine.... watched july 4th fireworks.... went shopping all over in boston.... studying eating partying and having fun... maybe cuz its summer... ppl here are generally fun loving... i have also been playing LOTS of piano (cuz there is a new and nice yamaha piano just belong my dining hall)... the setting in harvard makes it a really nice place to study and live... the libraries are big nice and quiet... amenities are nearby... ard the town there are lots of restaurants, pubs, cafes, supermarket, book store... etc quite self sufficient.... :) overall i really like staying in boston... (esp when the weather is fantastic now!)
really enjoy the peace, the freedom, the food, the company, the weather..... wld be a good time to rest recuperate and reflect abt life too :)
sometimes it still feels very surreal tt i m harvard... the place i really dream of studying in... :) though just for a short while... i m definitely very satisfied :)
just talked to ma for abt 40mins... it conversation today felt like it was gone in a snap... :) we talked about plans to come for my graduation ceremony... i lamented a bit about the hassle of storage and some complicated moving plans for next few weeks... haha... then we talked about the rest of the family... :) my eldest brother bdae was yesterday (and i msg him slightly past midnight... oops) my second eldest brother has moved on into a new job learning new stuff and enjoying the airport environment (although bit cold)... my dad taking things easy and I respect him because he is someone tt always knows his stuff (I also admire his punctuality - something which i resolute to achieve)
my conclusion: i miss home!
my family had fish head hotpot yesterday! I remember going to that hawker centre exactly one year ago when i arrived home... and we also had dinner there the last night before I came over for my final year of studies... as I thinking about the simple fares at hawker centre with my family and friends.... I cant help but miss home! these are the things tt i enjoyed most about spore despite the humid weather, one party rule, lack of free speech, label as a fine city, chewing gum ban, rigid education system... i realise i m willing to put up all these for the sake of family friends and of course haha - wide variety of cheap and good food!
looking back, this 3 years has been a mix of gains and losses.
if i was in spore, perhaps i wld be able to enjoy an exciting hostel life and chance to organise more events/camps. perhaps i wld be able to do a lot of chinese pop singing. perhaps i wld be able to continue pop piano lessons and vocal lessons and become a better performer. perhaps i wld b a lot closer to many of my gd friends back home - i wld be there through their ups and downs. perhaps i wld hv chance to go for many youth expeditions overseas to do community work. how wld i have turned out to be?
time always seem to fly when one looks back. as we look forward, time passes slowly. it always feels like there is time to do lots of things in future. no matter what you do, time passes.
3 years. it is 2007 now! a while ago i was still a fresher, very thrifty abt spending pounds, not worrying much about studies, excited abt being able to conquer the whole world by travelling, kept thinking how different life wld hv been if i went to smu, the most tough of all - trying to maintain a long distance relationship.
life is vastly different now. i value quality of life although i still try to look for gd deals. realising that my degree classification affects my future pay directly has made me look at it seriously. i now value the company more than the destinations, and realise quality of visit shd matter more than quantity. studying abroad has made me appreciate home much much more, and appreciate what i already have instead of constantly looking outwards. overseas may not be necessarily a better place to live than spore. began to look for spiritual fulfillment instead of just on worldly matters and material things. i m also incredibly blessed to meet one of the best personalities on this planet - florrine (no its not a chemical but my lady).
i think i have grown to be more sure of my values and beliefs. the most impt lesson i have learnt is to treasure and appreciate the things that really matter. in the past i usually like to ignore the negative side of things. but now i have began to examine these imperfections. i also begin to realise the importance of preserving the reputation and dignity of others. i m more aware of my weaknesses and more accepting towards them - in a way they define me. it is gd to be less judgemental. i guess i am learning to accept things as they come, to release control and let go. to trust the unknown and live each day as it comes.
prayed individually for each of my family members and florrine. it was a moment of peace for me. i hope that i will be able to love each of them in the best possible ways.
i have abstained from a lot of things for the last month of revision.... unhealthy junk food, soft drinks (worried abt energy slumps), alcohol, fun with friends and have been trying to exercise, eat well to keep my body in tip top condition for the exams.... YESH!!!!!!!!!! finally its OVER!!!!!
never have i felt like this man... i think this must be the exams i have worked hardest for.... yet it doesn't mean that the results will echo my efforts... university exams is really a different ball game as compared to before.... not only issit tougher, it is harder to predict what will come out, worst still, what comes out may be something you never see before... and ur fate for the subject is determined in that few hours....
this year is the pinnacle of all my examination experience.... i had 8 exams and mostly was packed at the end.... there had been a lot of ups and downs.... some papers finished with a LOT of regret.... careless mistakes... tight for time... focus on irrelevant things... compared to previous years this was also most demanding on my essay skills... which i am rather weak at... on the bright side... i am really happy with what i m studying... my favourite is experimental economics - which deals with conducting experiments to test economic theories! other top favourites are environmental economics and economics of growth.... i really like stuff linking economics with psychology, and how to improve living standards in countries... guess i din pick the wrong course.... i also realised wat i dread.... theories abt finance!! hahaha... the deep mathematics certainly doesn't turn me on because they have minimal practical implications (basically proofs of simple unrealistic scenarios)... on the other hand the mathematics in econometrics turn me on bcuz they help to refine the ways in which we can measure causality impacts of anything we want!
from here i guess it is a step away from economics into something else to broaden my horizons, and probably something which is less academic and more relevant to future work.....
just received an offer from queen's college cambridge... feels like a good opportunity.... and i think i ll have a tough time deciding between water policy in oxford or management in cambridge.... but all these is subject to me getting gd results first.... *PRAY*
today's paper was game theory.... i had a lot of fear for this bcuz the past year exams were qns tt were never seen before and v tough! it seems like an unpredictable paper! the scenarios can b amazingly tricky although the solution is usually simple... glad it turned out well!! many people left early and went toilet... hahahha so i guess most ppl found it easy too... hope it ll give me my most secured 'A'... cuz the rest... sigh... is difficult to be sure!
YAY!!!! i am liberated!!! its time to catch up on friends... indulge in videos, junk food, good food... catch up on guitar and piano and the latest pop songs... hahahaha.... i have been living in a closed up world for the last mth.... i am really thankful for the great company and support of florrine, kaiping, shiying, navath, jieqi... they are the ppl i see most... and despite exam stress... we kept each other going... neva forgetting to put on a smile.... although it seems like this revision period is tough... but i think studying is actually one of the best times of our lives.... the problems we faced now are definitely easier than in future in the working world... :) soooooo savour the happy moments!!
florrine has been incredibly sweet all these while and supported me thru despite all my ups and downs.... esp midway thru my exam i actually screwed up my most confident paper - maths! just felt like crying then man and couldn't believe wat happened... sorry to have made you worried dear... :) tks so much for the motivating messages every morning without fail.... u are really my source of joy and strength!! :)
of course i have to thank God for blessing me during this period... such tt i can pull through one obstacle after another.... and allowing me to reflect and learn from every exam's mistake.... whether my efforts will be reciprocated with good results is not up to me anymore... i have given all i can.... and i will accept watever the outcome... :)
kor! i hope i ll get a 2:1 at least... then i haven't let u down... :) hows work at ur new place? hope everything is going well and everybody likes u! haha :)
i call home almost every wekk
alright! everyone that is reading this.... from now on i m ALWAYS free for coffee appointments!! catch YOU soon!!! may your life be blessed and u will always find fulfillment all your endeavours! have a great day!!! :)
there is so much to learn... so much to do... so much to enjoy.....!!!
think i made a similar post last year.. in the midst of all anxiety...
its about 6 days more to the start of - the exams of my life....
it feels like i have studied... but yet it feels like it wont be really within control.... judging from past year experiences... examinations can b rather unpredictable... esp when it is set by a new lecturer... who will resolve to be original... in the end it can be like a guessing game about your lecturers' personality....
arrgh... year 3 modules are indeed tough.... most topics try to bring you to the forefront of the respective fields... try to force u understand what are the current debates... some want you to read endless papers (both in quantity and length, some written in an outer space language).... prep for exam also gets tougher.... there is a lack of practices since the past year formats and scopes are different.... so most prob we will get some questions we have never seen in our life....
its a steep learning curve..... but sometimes when i look around... the view can actually quite rewarding... thinking that i have come this far to pursue something i like... (although it always ends up a little different from what you expect) i hv pick some difficult modules tt i like.... at least better than doing something tt is both difficult and i DUN like.... sigh... really dun noe how this 'battle' will turn out...
many mind boogling issues like summer plans, masters plans, holiday plans, air tickets, storage... but i think i ll leave everything on hold where possible.... my only concern now shd b exams...
